1
00:00:02,270 --> 00:00:03,504
(Max)
Hey, Earl.

2
00:00:03,537 --> 00:00:05,439
You girls are back
from Hollywood already?

3
00:00:05,473 --> 00:00:07,508
Time sure does move fast.

4
00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:09,043
We haven't left yet.

5
00:00:09,077 --> 00:00:11,812
Time sure does move slow,

6
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:15,483
especially when you are as high
as I am right now.

7
00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:19,453
There's a car waiting out front
to take us to the airport.

8
00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:21,189
The only thing better
than a town car

9
00:00:21,222 --> 00:00:23,157
is a getting-out-of-town car.

10
00:00:25,426 --> 00:00:27,395
And I came in to say

11
00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:29,130
there's a car waiting for me
out front,

12
00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:30,298
and it's not a police car!

13
00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:33,067
Ha!

14
00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:35,203
I knew you two
weren't going to LA.

15
00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:37,371
I knew you were just
pulling my chain.

16
00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:38,839
You know,
when I pull your chain,

17
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:41,475
you go,
"Whoo-hoo-hoo."

18
00:00:41,509 --> 00:00:44,312
No studio would fly you two
cross-country

19
00:00:44,345 --> 00:00:46,414
just to discuss a movie
about Caroline

20
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:48,249
losing all her money.

21
00:00:48,282 --> 00:00:50,618
That's almost as funny
as that time Caroline said

22
00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:54,288
she reported the diner
to the health department.

23
00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:56,424
Which reminds me, Han,
there's something here for you

24
00:00:56,457 --> 00:00:58,326
from the health department.

25
00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:01,562
Han, we really are
going to LA.

26
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:04,265
In fact, they're already talking
to the Keebler Elf

27
00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:05,599
about playing you in my movie.

28
00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:08,636
It's between him
and the Asian daughter

29
00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:10,304
from "Modern Family."

30
00:01:12,206 --> 00:01:14,442
Ha!

31
00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:17,178
This is almost as funny
as that time Max said

32
00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:20,181
she registered me as a sex
offender down at city hall.

33
00:01:20,214 --> 00:01:23,083
Han, there's also something here
for you from city hall.

34
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:27,188
Girls, what happened?

35
00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:29,357
Are you on the no-fly list too?

36
00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:32,260
You hide a six-pack
of batteries in your junk once,

37
00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:35,095
and you're grounded for life.

38
00:01:36,364 --> 00:01:37,865
Let's just go
and never look back.

39
00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:41,669
(Peter Bjorn and John)
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

40
00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:43,471
[cash register bell dings]

41
00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:47,208
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

42
00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:56,884
*

43
00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:58,219
[Caroline gasps]

44
00:01:58,252 --> 00:01:59,920
Oh, my God.

45
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:01,689
(Max)
This can't be our room.

46
00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:04,358
This is so sweet.

47
00:02:04,392 --> 00:02:06,594
Is that why they call it that?

48
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,262
Terrace!
Terrace!

49
00:02:08,296 --> 00:02:10,331
Staircase! Staircase!
Oh, my God.

50
00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:12,500
Take a picture before they
realize there's been a mistake

51
00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:15,236
and put me back in coach.

52
00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:19,707
These are the only 12 steps
anyone's gonna get me to take.

53
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:23,244
Now me. Now me.
Terrace. Terrace.

54
00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:24,912
[gasps]
The view.

55
00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:27,315
Oh, I need to get a picture
of me with the view.

56
00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:28,949
This is so awesome.

57
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,684
Our view at home
is just a painting of a view

58
00:02:30,718 --> 00:02:33,287
in the neighbor's apartment.

59
00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:35,956
[camera shutter clicking]

60
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,625
Oops, careful
of that railing.

61
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,727
Three out-of-work actresses
"slipped and fell"

62
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,463
from there last pilot season.

63
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,898
One fall is an accident,
three an epidemic.

64
00:02:46,434 --> 00:02:49,437
Ooh, look.
We each get a pet.

65
00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:52,340
Well, I'm Lawrence,
the hotel's general manager.

66
00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:53,674
I upgraded you.

67
00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:55,676
You were supposed to be
in a room with two queens--

68
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:57,311
well, three
if I was in it.

69
00:02:57,345 --> 00:02:58,679
[laughter]

70
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:00,681
Thank you so much,
Lawrence.

71
00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:02,550
That's really amazing of you.

72
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,252
But why would you upgrade us?

73
00:03:04,285 --> 00:03:05,953
[scoffs]
Are you nuts?

74
00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:08,389
That's like asking a teacher
if there's weekend homework.

75
00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:12,360
Well, I heard you were in LA
for a movie meeting,

76
00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:13,961
and, well, keep me in mind.

77
00:03:13,994 --> 00:03:15,496
Absolutely.

78
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:16,664
For what?

79
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:17,965
A part.

80
00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:19,567
I'm also an actor.

81
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,235
I'm very versatile.

82
00:03:21,269 --> 00:03:22,736
I can play a gay dad,
a gay executive,

83
00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:24,972
a gay priest.

84
00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:26,707
Is there any other kind?

85
00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:30,344
I can also play straight.

86
00:03:30,378 --> 00:03:32,446
Just ask my ex-wife Beth.

87
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:34,448
But she really
should have suspected.

88
00:03:34,482 --> 00:03:38,486
We would get into such
knockdowns about the pesto.

89
00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:40,454
- Lawrence, I'm confused.
- About what?

90
00:03:40,488 --> 00:03:42,956
Gay guys care a lot
about pesto.

91
00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:46,627
Aren't you the hotel's
general manager?

92
00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:49,797
Yep, for the last 20 years,
until I get my big break.

93
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:51,565
So keep me in mind.

94
00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:54,735
Also, Ms. Black,
your luggage is still lost,

95
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:57,571
like me in my early
f--thirties.

96
00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:58,739
[phone chiming]

97
00:03:58,772 --> 00:04:01,542
Enjoy the place.
It's all yours.

98
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:02,810
This is Lawrence.

99
00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:04,278
(both)
The place is all ours!

100
00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:05,613
The place is all ours!

101
00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:07,014
Hi. You have to get out...

102
00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:10,284
For about an hour.

103
00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:11,719
Go eat.
It's almost dinnertime.

104
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,621
I'll put your name on the list
at our restaurant.

105
00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:15,356
And I'm sorry about this.

106
00:04:15,389 --> 00:04:16,757
It's just that I have
an A-list movie star

107
00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:19,627
who wants to have an "impromptu
private meeting" here.

108
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:22,530
Is this like a Travolta masseuse
kind of thing?

109
00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:25,032
I said "A-list."

110
00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:28,035
[Peter Bjorn and John's
"Second Chance"]

111
00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:32,740
*

112
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,342
Lawrence said we were on a list,

113
00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:35,776
so why are we still
stuck out here?

114
00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:38,512
And don't blame my smelly shirt,
because Johnny Depp,

115
00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:41,549
who's sitting over there,
smells way worse.

116
00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:43,517
Why are you two
still at the bar?

117
00:04:43,551 --> 00:04:44,752
Didn't you speak to Claude?

118
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:47,054
Which snotty gay guy is he?

119
00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:49,457
Look, not everyone in this hotel
is gay.

120
00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:55,363
But Claude is
hands-down-my-pants the gayest.

121
00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:58,432
I also came to apologize
for asking you for a part...

122
00:04:58,466 --> 00:04:59,800
without showing you my reel.

123
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,335
Come with me.

124
00:05:01,369 --> 00:05:02,636
The Wi-Fi's better
by that fountain

125
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:04,438
that Whoopi Goldberg peed in.

126
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:07,808
I'll be right back,
Max

127
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:10,077
I have a feeling his reel
is real short.

128
00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:15,082
- Ooh, Claude? Are you Claude?
- Mm.

129
00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:18,486
I'm sorry you had to be a baby
named Claude.

130
00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:19,753
I'm on the list.

131
00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:21,522
- Name?
- Max Black.

132
00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:23,591
No.

133
00:05:23,624 --> 00:05:25,125
Yes,
Max Black.

134
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,728
Uh, no.

135
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,830
Yep, that's me,
Caroline Channing.

136
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:31,432
I'm with her.
We're here together.

137
00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:33,133
No.

138
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,836
Dude, don't make me
hit you.

139
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:37,505
Max.

140
00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:39,440
Max Black.
Max, over here.

141
00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:40,608
Claude,
she's with me.

142
00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:42,710
Very good.

143
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:49,583
Just so you know,
I'm not a hooker.

144
00:05:49,617 --> 00:05:50,884
Oh, I know.

145
00:05:50,918 --> 00:05:52,653
Prostitutes don't have
such a tough time

146
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:53,887
getting past the maГ®tre d' here.

147
00:05:55,489 --> 00:05:57,124
I'm Randy.

148
00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:58,492
Sit?

149
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:10,738
And what makes you think
I would need to hire

150
00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:12,139
a hooker to have dinner with?

151
00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:13,641
Oh, I didn't think
you were a john.

152
00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:16,610
I thought you were a pimp.

153
00:06:16,644 --> 00:06:18,912
- Not a pimp.
- Uh, not buying it.

154
00:06:18,946 --> 00:06:20,848
Who else would wear
five silver rings?

155
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,816
Every straight guy in LA
over 40?

156
00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:26,887
Wow, not a pimp,
not gay.

157
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,823
You're really putting it all
right out there.

158
00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:31,492
You have to be from New York.

159
00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:32,793
No, Brooklyn,

160
00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:35,496
New York City's
trashy little cousin with hep C.

161
00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:39,700
Wow, hooker, hep C.

162
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,669
You're really putting it
all out there.

163
00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:42,870
Can I buy you a drink?

164
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,408
A house?

165
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,546
There you are.

166
00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:53,881
Hi. I'm Caroline.
I'm--

167
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:55,516
- Leaving.
- What?

168
00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:58,552
Go.
I just got bumped up to first.

169
00:07:03,691 --> 00:07:06,660
[phone chiming]

170
00:07:06,694 --> 00:07:09,196
Livin' in LA
and lovin' my life.

171
00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:10,698
Hi, Sophie.
How are you?

172
00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:12,800
Oh, not too good.

173
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:15,603
Yeah, I thought
I called Max's phone.

174
00:07:17,671 --> 00:07:18,972
Is that the adoption agency?

175
00:07:19,006 --> 00:07:20,908
Did you tell them
we liked that couple

176
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:24,478
who didn't plan on a 14th?

177
00:07:24,512 --> 00:07:26,947
No, it's not the agency.

178
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:29,950
I called to talk to Max,
but I got Caroline's

179
00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:33,954
"my life doesn't suck anymore"
podcast.

180
00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:36,557
Well, Sophie, Max isn't here.

181
00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:37,991
She met this really cute guy...

182
00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:40,828
Max already got laid!

183
00:07:40,861 --> 00:07:43,697
[applause]

184
00:07:43,731 --> 00:07:46,734
That's why I love LA.

185
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:52,840
Hey, way back in the day,
I was all up and down the Strip.

186
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:55,909
Now I'm excited if I get
up and down the step.

187
00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,547
Sophie, Max didn't
come home last night,

188
00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:01,515
but we don't know
that she got laid.

189
00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:03,951
Oh, she did...

190
00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:07,988
By a lawyer.

191
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:11,992
And the verdict is in:
hot.

192
00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:17,865
Hey, Max,
how hung was his jury?

193
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:19,299
Sophie, I have to go.

194
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:20,968
We have a meeting
at the movie studio.

195
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,302
Call you later, Max.

196
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,672
I want details.

197
00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:26,974
Helmet or turtleneck?

198
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:30,678
- Oh, my God.
I'm exhausted.

199
00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:32,012
From all the sex?

200
00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:34,748
No, we went on a hike
this morning.

201
00:08:34,782 --> 00:08:37,885
LA hookups are so healthy.

202
00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:41,054
You exercised?
Outside?

203
00:08:41,088 --> 00:08:43,624
Oh, you must
really like this guy.

204
00:08:43,657 --> 00:08:45,025
Well, I've never had sex
with a lawyer

205
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:47,628
that wasn't court-appointed.

206
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,096
I'm so happy for you.

207
00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:50,764
And he's a lawyer?

208
00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:52,299
What, like,
an entertainment lawyer?

209
00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:55,636
Yep, he handles Bradley Cooper,
Nicole Kidman,

210
00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:58,772
George Clooney, and...
my clooney.

211
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:01,642
[knock at door]

212
00:09:01,675 --> 00:09:03,076
Morning.
Got news about your luggage.

213
00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:04,712
- It's here?
- No.

214
00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:06,947
Like a young me,
it's stuck in Detroit.

215
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:12,085
*

216
00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:14,655
[telephone rings]

217
00:09:14,688 --> 00:09:16,857
Perry Tyler's office.
This is Quan.

218
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,092
Oh, hi.

219
00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:21,028
Yes, absolutely,
set in stone.

220
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:22,930
We're so excited.

221
00:09:22,963 --> 00:09:24,632
So not happening.

222
00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:27,835
But our meeting with Mr. Tyler

223
00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:29,703
that was scheduled
for 20 minutes ago,

224
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:31,071
that's still happening,
right?

225
00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:33,974
Absolutely. Set in stone.
We're so excited.

226
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,678
[phone chimes]

227
00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:39,680
- Ooh, I got a text.
- No, it's me.

228
00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:40,948
Oh.

229
00:09:40,981 --> 00:09:44,084
[gasps]
Max, I can't believe it.

230
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:46,386
You're hoping the lawyer calls.

231
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:49,056
I've never seen you hope
for anything.

232
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:51,959
I thought he'd call.

233
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:54,094
I kind of liked him.

234
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:58,632
I went outside in the daytime.

235
00:09:58,666 --> 00:10:00,067
Nina's on her way in.

236
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,969
You know, she's the executive
who discovered me

237
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:04,004
at that storytelling show.

238
00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:06,674
I'm running behind,
so you need to order me lunch.

239
00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:08,942
I want a kale salad
with a side of kale

240
00:10:08,976 --> 00:10:11,812
and a kale shake, and tomorrow
better book me a kale-onic.

241
00:10:13,781 --> 00:10:14,915
Caroline,
what are you doing?

242
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,416
You're dressed
all wrong.

243
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,185
Yours is a "riches to rags"
story,

244
00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:20,921
a story we'll never sell
if you go in there wearing that.

245
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,756
I have a huge hole
near the crotch

246
00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:23,991
in my panty hose,
if that helps.

247
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:26,059
It doesn't.

248
00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:30,664
You need to look broke,
busted, discarded from society.

249
00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:33,133
Put on what she's wearing.

250
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:35,035
Fine,

251
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:39,106
as long as I don't have to wear
that stupid nurse cape.

252
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:46,446
*

253
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:50,083
That dress looks cute on you,
all three of you.

254
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:52,152
I know.
Ugh, look at this.

255
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:55,689
It's like my first day
of kindergarten.

256
00:10:55,723 --> 00:10:57,157
Hi.

257
00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:59,827
It's been two hours.
Is he maybe ready yet?

258
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:01,929
Absolutely.
We're so excited.

259
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:06,433
Fine, but these
are about to blow.

260
00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:09,903
So don't come crying to me when
you're blinded by boob buttons.

261
00:11:09,937 --> 00:11:12,940
Something in your shirt
is itching me.

262
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:17,177
Why is there a joint
in your shirt?

263
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:19,179
I think that's obvious.

264
00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:22,182
It fell down from my hair.

265
00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:25,986
Good thing you found it
and not those TSA party poopers.

266
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,220
[phone ringing]

267
00:11:27,254 --> 00:11:28,756
My phone.
Where? Where it it?

268
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:30,891
Oh, I put it here
in your front pocket.

269
00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:32,993
Oh, cool, there's never
room there when I wear it.

270
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,995
See, Max,
I knew he'd call you.

271
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,864
- Well, he said he would.
- And he will.

272
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:39,499
But right now,
this is Sophie.

273
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:40,934
Hi, Sophie.

274
00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:42,803
How's the adoption going?

275
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:46,940
Did you find a 16-year-old
who really let her parents down?

276
00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:50,143
Hey, Earl,
where is Oleg right now?

277
00:11:50,177 --> 00:11:52,179
He just went to the men's room

278
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:55,949
with the bra ads
from today's paper.

279
00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:59,252
Okay,
I have 45 minutes.

280
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:02,856
But the thing is,

281
00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:06,960
I still want the baby
to look like me.

282
00:12:06,994 --> 00:12:11,765
Well you can put hair extensions
on anything.

283
00:12:11,799 --> 00:12:15,068
Are you saying
that I shouldn't adopt

284
00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:18,505
and I should keep trying to have
my own baby?

285
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:22,142
Ohh, I've got go Sophie,
our 4:00 2:00 meeting is on.

286
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:23,543
That's a wrap for today,
Quan.

287
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,512
Wait, he's just
gonna leave

288
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:27,147
and not acknowledge
our existence?

289
00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:28,782
I can't believe this.

290
00:12:28,816 --> 00:12:30,851
They're treating me
like they know who I am.

291
00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:32,052
Mr. Tyler.

292
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,286
Hi, Caroline Channing.

293
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:34,888
We were supposed to have
a meeting.

294
00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:36,857
Quick refresher:
lost my billions

295
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:40,794
but not my plucky can-do
attitude against all odds.

296
00:12:40,828 --> 00:12:43,196
I'm Max.
I'm the odds.

297
00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:46,099
Oh, yeah, you're the sad,
dejected, destitute girl.

298
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:48,836
That's me,
the destitute girl.

299
00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:51,104
So sorry.
Today got away from me.

300
00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:53,874
Ryan Murphy can talk.

301
00:12:53,907 --> 00:12:55,542
I'll have my office
call you tomorrow.

302
00:12:55,575 --> 00:12:56,944
Call her?

303
00:12:56,977 --> 00:12:58,278
Call her?

304
00:12:58,311 --> 00:12:59,913
Why don't you just
tell her the truth,

305
00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:01,348
that she's never gonna
hear from you,

306
00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:03,851
the movie's never gonna happen,
and like every other man

307
00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:06,519
in this town, you're full of
crap and silver jewelry.

308
00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:09,556
Well, okay then.

309
00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:12,059
So sorry to have
kept you waiting.

310
00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:14,194
Quan, set them up with another
appointment tomorrow.

311
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,232
And this is platinum.

312
00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:22,970
He's really gonna
meet with us, right?

313
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:26,039
Absolutely. Set in stone.
We're so excited.

314
00:13:27,107 --> 00:13:29,309
So never gonna happen.

315
00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:31,111
What do we do now?

316
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:34,848
Well, as I said on my first day
of kindergarten...

317
00:13:34,882 --> 00:13:36,816
it's recess.

318
00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:42,522
There you are.

319
00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:44,858
Drinking alone at a bar
in the morning.

320
00:13:44,892 --> 00:13:48,128
Did we switch bodies
when we switched clothes?

321
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:51,064
It's 5:00 somewhere.

322
00:13:51,098 --> 00:13:53,466
Oh, my God.
Maybe we have.

323
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:56,469
I just needed a few sips
to calm myself down.

324
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:59,539
Look, I'm really sorry
I lost it on that studio guy.

325
00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:03,210
And I guess running behind
his car and begging didn't work.

326
00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:06,513
Wow, even apologizing in LA
is healthy.

327
00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:09,149
There's still a chance; Nina's
meeting with Perry right now.

328
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,118
Maybe she'll smooth
everything over,

329
00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:14,121
like everybody does here
with their faces.

330
00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:16,323
Oh, Claude, hi,
Caroline Channing.

331
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,225
Lawrence put me on the list
for a table.

332
00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:21,494
And I'm Max Black,
your worst nightmare.

333
00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:24,131
One moment.

334
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:26,366
So aggressive.
What is the problem?

335
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:28,902
I'm guessing
low self-esteem.

336
00:14:28,936 --> 00:14:31,504
Not him.
I'm talking about you.

337
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:34,541
I'm guessing low self-esteem.

338
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:36,343
Nina, hi.

339
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,345
I didn't realize your meeting
with Perry was here.

340
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,613
God, it's like everyone
in Hollywood is here.

341
00:14:40,647 --> 00:14:42,682
Yes, for about another month.

342
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,384
Then this place
will be as empty

343
00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:46,353
as Keira Knightley's
refrigerator.

344
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,390
So I just talked to Perry,
and looks like

345
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:52,559
he was really offended
by you yesterday.

346
00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:56,363
Uh, I'm sure people have said
worse things to that man.

347
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:59,432
I mean, his license plate says,
"Makin' Movies."

348
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:02,936
Max, you can't have
an attitude like that

349
00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:05,238
and not get buried
in Hollywood.

350
00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:07,174
Nina.

351
00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:08,408
Just ask Claude.

352
00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:10,410
He used to run Paramount.

353
00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:14,314
It's over?

354
00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:16,249
I came all this way
to be disappointed

355
00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:18,285
by a rich guy
in Hollywood?

356
00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:22,155
I could have just seen
a Kevin Hart movie.

357
00:15:22,189 --> 00:15:23,656
I'm sorry.

358
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:26,626
I better go sign for these
drinks while they're still free.

359
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:32,565
Claude, Claude, look,

360
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,367
I know you and I
haven't gotten along,

361
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:35,602
but quick fave.

362
00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:37,437
I need to fix something
for my friend.

363
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:40,373
Can I just go over there
and talk to that guy, please?

364
00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:42,375
Are you on the list?

365
00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:44,544
I've never been on the list.

366
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:51,384
I can do this all day,
sweetheart.

367
00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:53,520
I'm a gay rumba champion.

368
00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:06,666
Hi, I'm Max.
I'll be your server.

369
00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:08,535
Today's soup is
"please don't ruin

370
00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:11,238
my friend Caroline's chance,
it's all my fault."

371
00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:15,575
And, of course,
it's vegan, no dairy.

372
00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:17,010
What's going on here?

373
00:16:17,044 --> 00:16:18,645
Sir,
I really screwed up,

374
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:21,581
and as I screamed
into your muffler yesterday,

375
00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:23,650
I am here to beg
your forgiveness.

376
00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:25,285
I wasn't talking about you.

377
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:28,321
I meant,
why is there bread on my table?

378
00:16:28,355 --> 00:16:29,589
Give her another chance.

379
00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:31,391
This is the first good thing
to happen to her

380
00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:32,792
since she lost all her money,

381
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:35,628
aside from the time
the Red Cross gave us coffee.

382
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:38,565
At least meet with her,

383
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:41,301
so you can hear
how amazing her story is.

384
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,603
It's a story of someone
not being defined

385
00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:46,239
by all the bad things that have
happened to them in the past

386
00:16:46,273 --> 00:16:48,508
and just moving on.

387
00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:50,777
I'd buy a ticket
to that.

388
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:52,279
Perry, what's happening here?

389
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:54,414
Why is there bread
on your table?

390
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:55,715
This girl keeps trying
to convince me

391
00:16:55,748 --> 00:16:57,784
to have a meeting
with her friend.

392
00:16:57,817 --> 00:16:59,586
I haven't seen a waitress
this desperate

393
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:02,289
since Shannen Doherty slipped me
her head shot last night.

394
00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:06,393
Well, as your lawyer,

395
00:17:06,426 --> 00:17:08,661
I recommend you give her
exactly what she wants.

396
00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:10,397
You won't be sorry.

397
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:12,299
I wasn't.

398
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:15,668
Come back
tomorrow at 11:00.

399
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:19,072
You guys may have to wait,
but I'll squeeze you in.

400
00:17:19,106 --> 00:17:21,808
Oh, my--
thank you so much.

401
00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:23,543
Now, I have to go
find my friend

402
00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:26,513
before she accidently slips
and falls off the terrace.

403
00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:30,049
Max, hold up.

404
00:17:31,118 --> 00:17:32,719
That was really cool of you.

405
00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:35,288
I'm not even upset anymore
that you didn't call me.

406
00:17:35,322 --> 00:17:37,324
I didn't want to come on
too strong.

407
00:17:37,357 --> 00:17:39,726
Should I not have taken
dating advice from David Spade?

408
00:17:42,529 --> 00:17:44,831
Ooh,
I got to take this.

409
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:47,334
Of course you do.

410
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:50,437
[phone rings]

411
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:56,843
Hello?

412
00:17:56,876 --> 00:18:00,780
Hey, it's me.

413
00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:02,482
Can I see you tonight?

414
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:05,618
Did you get that
from David Spade?

415
00:18:05,652 --> 00:18:07,454
That's all Stamos, baby.

416
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:10,857
*

417
00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:13,526
And you're sure it's not
another fake meeting?

418
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,428
Because Quan called me
to confirm,

419
00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:17,530
and that makes me nervous.

420
00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:19,666
Randy says the meeting's legit.

421
00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:20,867
And turns out

422
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:24,504
you may have an LA
BF.

423
00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:26,873
Um, he is not my BF.

424
00:18:26,906 --> 00:18:31,778
Because B stands for "boy,"
and that guy is a ma-an.

425
00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:33,446
[knock at door]

426
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,382
Good news about your luggage.

427
00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:38,785
Like a young me, it arrived
in Los Angeles in one piece...

428
00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:40,753
with a few holes in it.

429
00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:41,888
This is you, right?

430
00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:43,423
Sure looks like me.

431
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:45,558
Max, you packed
your waitress uniform?

432
00:18:45,592 --> 00:18:50,363
The weird thing is,
I didn't.

433
00:18:50,397 --> 00:18:52,499
I guess I'm never getting
away from that life.

434
00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:53,933
Yes, you will.
We're in Hollywood.

435
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,668
Anything can happen.

436
00:18:55,702 --> 00:18:57,570
Oh, Lawrence,
how did your audition go?

437
00:18:57,604 --> 00:18:59,172
I didn't get it.

438
00:18:59,206 --> 00:19:00,907
Oh, well, maybe it wasn't
the right role for you.

439
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:02,509
What was it?

440
00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:04,177
The Filipino gay general manager
of a hotel

441
00:19:04,211 --> 00:19:05,678
who used to be straight.

442
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:10,917
Next one.
You'll get the next one.

443
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:13,386
Well, now that your movie's
back on, keep me in mind.

444
00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:14,921
I really am a good actor.

445
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:18,157
Like right now, I'm acting
like I'm not depressed.

446
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:21,628
Let's go out.

447
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,563
Let's do Hollywood stuff.

448
00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:26,199
Let's go to the Observatory or
see where Biggie got murdered.

449
00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:28,401
[gasps]
Okay!

450
00:19:28,435 --> 00:19:29,769
Let me just grab
something to wear.

451
00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:31,571
[knock at door]

452
00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:33,440
Oh, my God.
I hope that isn't Lawrence

453
00:19:33,473 --> 00:19:34,807
saying that he needs the place
for an hour

454
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:38,778
because Ben Affleck
is here with a nanny...

455
00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:41,848
Jude Law is here
with a nanny...

456
00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:44,484
Gavin Rossdale is here
with a nanny.

457
00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:47,186
Hi, girls.

458
00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:53,793
Hey, we've got a lady
that looks like you at home.

459
00:19:53,826 --> 00:19:56,929
Wow, nice room.

460
00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:59,499
Sophie,
what are you doing here?

461
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,501
Well, after Max
talked me into

462
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:02,969
not adopting...

463
00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:04,871
- I did?
- You did.

464
00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:10,543
Well, I did a little research
on my Barnes and Noble Nook.

465
00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:11,978
Do you want one?

466
00:20:12,011 --> 00:20:15,715
I guess they're just
giving them away right now.

467
00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:17,250
No, thanks.

468
00:20:17,284 --> 00:20:18,785
I prefer to lie about
the books I've read

469
00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:20,987
the old-fashioned way.

470
00:20:21,020 --> 00:20:24,591
Well, it turns out
all of these Hollywood actresses

471
00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:28,761
that are having babies over 40,
like Geena Davis,

472
00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:33,733
Jane Seymour,
Neil Patrick Harris,

473
00:20:33,766 --> 00:20:37,704
well, they're all going to this
big-shot healer out here,

474
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:42,008
so here I am.

475
00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:44,010
It's cool if I stay with you,
right?

476
00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:46,279
- Absolutely.
- Set in stone.

477
00:20:46,313 --> 00:20:48,915
(both)
We're so excited.